everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
