is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize