I just cut my nipple shaving
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
