my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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