Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
