bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
