I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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