quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
