Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
