Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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