I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
