those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
