After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
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I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
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I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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