he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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