your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
