The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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