i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
