i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I want to have your abortion
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
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