actually, I'm a sock model
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
