Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
