I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
