Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
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I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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