I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
This toilet bowl is my home.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
