sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
