im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
