Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
