you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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