the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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