Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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