So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
