it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
