i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
