I must be too annoying 4 u.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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