weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
