remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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