break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I didn't notice because vodka
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
