i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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