My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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