people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize