im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
