He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
