I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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