My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Sorry my hands just texted you
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
