did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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