their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
