shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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