Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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