Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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