a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
