All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
