Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
