He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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