A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize