It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
