Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
