i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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