I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
