I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
