And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
