You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
