just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
