I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
