It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
