Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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