she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
