The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
