wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He has the fingertips of a God
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