Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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