Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize