I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
These tits shall not be calmed
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