who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Are my feet made of real feet?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
